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September 05, 2003Mid-life CrisisI've spent a lot of time over the last few months thinking about where I want to be. I'm not sure what day it was that I woke up and realized that life is not as fulfilling as I thought it would be. I actually don't think that it was a sudden realization. More of a gradual one that has been creeping up on me slowly for a long while now, and rooted itself into existence. Namely, I have been unhappy with the job and career that I have chosen for myself. I feel like I haven't learned anything reallly new for a long time now. And that I'm bored with what I do, but worse, I feel no motivation to improve the situation. The worst part is that we spend more waking hours at work than anywhere else. So isn't it important to actually enjoy what you do? I've had lengthy talks with my friends about the subject, and it appears that my state of mind is in no way unique. Most people I know feel this way. It's funny. We all make more money than our parents did. We have more free time (since we are all selfish childless people) and have more 'things' than they did. We seem to have it all at only twenty-something. Yet, the fruit of our labours is not as sweet as we expected. Is it possible to be having a mid-life crisis at only 28? I think this is exactly what is happening. Our lives are moving faster than the previous generations before us. We work harder, longer and archive more quicker. So whereas our parents had their mid-life crises at forty-something, we are on such a fast track that we are having our 15 years earlier. And then we realize one of two things: 1) Our lifestyle is very good. We like the money we make, therefore we will keep selling out to maintain it. 2) We hate what we're doing, or feel undervalued in our current job. A lot of people I know have done sudden switches in careers or gone back to school. Others have made enough money to quit their jobs, pick up and start seeing the world. I used to wonder how it was possible to have it all. How to have a career and a family at the same time. Apparently, women nowadays are realizing that, while it's possible to have it all, it's really hard to do. And having it all isn't as great as it looks. The trend seems to be that women (and men) are choosing more and more to stay home, and raise the children. And since they had it all, but chose to give it up, there's no hidden resentment that our mothers had of giving up their career. I wonder sometimes if I fall into this camp. Will I eventually quit my job, stay home and happily raise the kids? For a long time, I haven't felt very fulfilled with my career. Will raising a family fill the void instead? If you asked me this question about two months ago, I probably would have said yes. That staying home with the family was easier and must be more fulfilling than my seemingly directionless job (senior project lead in a consulting company that won't let the last nail be hammered into the coffin). That the computer industry, especially the consulting one was leading to a dead end. But if you ask me today, it may be a different story. I don't think I'm so ready to throw in the towel with my career just yet. I think what I really need is a change. I've been really stagnant in my job and I think it's been holding me back. I'm not sure what direction I want to go in just yet, but I'm looking and will give it my best effort. And I'm not so sure that I want to leave computers behind. I need to find something to give me that kick in the pants -- that enthusiasm I used to have years ago. I'm sure it's in me somewhere, cob-webbed and dusty, but waiting nonetheless. But whatever I do, just make sure I keep writing. Because we all know that it's still my first love. Posted by theressa at September 5, 2003 02:00 PMComments
You can have a mid-life crisis at 28 if you are going to live to 56. Maybe you should have a third-of-your-life crisis instead? At least you have a career. And money. Some of us haven't gotten that far yet. My mom is still wondering when I'm going to "get started with my life."
I know exactly what you are going through. I'm 27 and I have begun re-examining my life and all the choices I have made...now and for the future. Do I really want to be a career driven woman? Is there more out there? What mistakes have I made and are all the sacrifises worth it? I think maybe its not a crisis but a objective re-examination of ones life where you ponder your choices and decifer if they should be continued or tossed out the window.... Posted by Shari at November 9, 2003 09:31 PMHey Girl, My mid-life "crisis" began around thirty but I got lots of wierd looks from people when I began describing it as that. Some said, I was too young to be going through a mid-life crisis. I disagree. I think it's whenever you wake and smell the coffee and begin re-evaluating your life and things you're not happy with. Like you, I've had a pretty successful career, but was not happy with the choice I made (litigation attorney). But I have no regrets in doing what I did. It gave me a great life (buying homes, travel, excitment) and the option of leaving it through careful planning. I'm now pursing a new line of work and living off the savings. My guess is it's going to take a year or two before the new line of work takes off. It won't be easy, and I might not succeed at it, but at least I'm trying. I'd say, start seriously thinking about some realistic career options and make it happen. Good luck. Well I concur with all the feelings of dissatisfaction, melancholy, and stuckness you feel. I am 39 and realized the mid-life miracle hit me at 37. Although it feels more like depression. "Hey! I've worked for 20 years and the ladder is on the wrong wall!!!" Don't dismiss the beginnings of this transformation because of your age. It could be that you are mature and functioning well in the big game of life and the process of aligning your personal power in the outer world and your inner self has begun. Congratulations, let's celebrate. A big marker in the mid-life game is the feeling that its not about career or money anymore. I have a great job, freedom, money, house, family, children and have worked very hard for it. Imagine considering the thought of throwing it all away because being VP is now MEANINGLESS. I'm not old acting or looking by any stretch of the imagination and to me its been about realizing your mortality. When did I have time to become Plato on the job? What part of me suddenly realixed the little time we all have left to grace the planet with a unique creative contribution? The truth is, its hard-wired and its a reality. You may flip out in the true Hollywood sense and engage in romantic entanglements, eat yourself to death each night quit your job, and dye your hair. With me, I started to kncok over construction pilons on purpose to see the reaction of the drivers behind me. Crazy. Amusing. Bored stiff. It may be as simple as going away on sabbitical for a year, and returning to your old work with a new sense of purpose and telling everyone what you really think of them. I don't know to do with all of this and perhaps never will. I once heard heard someone say that the most interesting people in the world were the ones who never knew what they wanted to be in life. I meet them all the time, and amazing people they are. They've been farmers, priests, and wireless specialists in the same lifetime. I used to think of myself as a together career Napoleon - and now I realize I'm just a tiny fish in a very big sea; a mass of people wandering, growing into our compassion administered to and picked away at institutions supported by cultural orthodoxies that keep the economy bustling. Boring again. Be authentic. Stay aware and keep a journal. Peace. Posted by Swerve at November 19, 2003 12:17 AMI know EXACTLY what you've been through ( been a while since you posted this! ). I'm a 34 year old woman and realized that it doesn't matter how much money I make - that I'll never to be able to afford the f*cking cost of daycare to have a kid. And then what if I could (which I probably could) afford it? I spend my (useless) life going to WORK and picking up this little person every night????? I hate this life - it all seems so useless and pointless; but maybe we're missing something... Posted by Boy at March 2, 2004 10:52 PMPost a comment
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